I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
