Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
