So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
