I think my fart just growled at me.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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