Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
