Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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