Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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