Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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