She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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