Is it normal to miss your booty call?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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