A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Randomize
