I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
