my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Be still, my beating vagina.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Randomize
