yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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