just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
