Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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