He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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