Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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