um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
