I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
