Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
birth control should be required to get into college
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
My bed smells like the plague
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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