well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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