his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
