I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
