I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
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