Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
