the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
