I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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