How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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