I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
