I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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