I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
