I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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