She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Randomize
