then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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