so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
