He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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