I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
