I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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