Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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