yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
