none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
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