it wasn't lemon gatorade
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
