i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
