the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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