dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
