I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
