i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
