Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
