I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
