that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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