So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You need a sexual gate keeper
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
