omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
