what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
