We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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