I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Use "feeling words"
Yay
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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